I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
