uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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