i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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