The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
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