look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Semen is not good for contacts.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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