Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
