Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
