I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
