apparently the secret to your success is patron
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
