I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
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So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
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I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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