Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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