Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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