i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
