i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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