Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
