happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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