Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
