Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
