When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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