I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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