woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
