So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
