why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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