I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
