Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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