I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
