JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
