Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
