so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
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Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
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Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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