my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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