I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
