Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
