I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
