I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
