The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
