We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I will pee on everything he values.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
