i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
