I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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