I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
