I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
