I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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