She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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