I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
