D3 body, D1 cock
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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