I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
