Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
