tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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