I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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