Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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