she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
