Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
