just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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