My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i wish my penis had a tongue
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
