i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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