# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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