I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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