My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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