I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
