Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
