Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize