Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
