I cannot find my penis.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
