Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
