My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
