so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
