He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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