never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
