don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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