I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
