I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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