Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
