is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am one with the molecules
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
