The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
