She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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