I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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