last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
