Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
