so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I've blown a few things in my day
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
