Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
